TODAY IS NATIONAL MASTURBATION DAY

Today in National Masturbation Day in America. I kid you not.

But why should the Yanks have all the fun? The official website for this great day recommends that you should "spend quality time with yourself throughout the day-call in late to work or extend your lunch break and spend it masturbating!" I am not one for superfluous exclamation marks, but I think that suggestion richly deserves one. Why? Let me count the reasons:

1. Because masturbation is immensely pleasurable, invigorating, rejuvenating and fun.
2. Because masturbation proclaims that sex is good in, by, and for itself.
3. Because masturbation makes you a better lover.
4. Because you can have more sex more often.
5. Because sexual pleasure is each person's birthright.
6. Because masturbation is the ultimate safe sex.
7. Because masturbation is a joyous expression of self love.
8. Because masturbation offers numerous health benefits including menstrual cramp relief, stress reduction, endorphin release, stronger pelvic muscles, reduction of prostate gland infection for men and resistance to yeast overgrowths for women.
9. Because masturbation is an excellent cardiovascular workout.
10. Because each person is their own best lover.
11. Because masturbation with a partner can be educational and hot.
12. Because masturbation increases sexual awareness.

So girls, use that washing-machine for the purpose it was intended; and boys, use it or lose it, as they say. I'm off for a joyous expression of self love. Catch you later...